U N T A M E D   T O D A Y

T H E   E X C L U S I V E   C O V E R   ·   T H E   N E W   U N T A M E D   H U M A N

Interview and story by Jesse James Ferrell, Founder

Amy Jones had five cities to visit in México to plan for her move in the near future. Her first stop was Mérida in the Yucatán Peninsula. On her third day in the city, she stood under two trees in a park in Centro and closed her eyes. She felt her feet growing roots into the ground and knew she had found something special. She had four more cities on her itinerary. She canceled all of them.

That is the short version. And now, in speaking with her, she admits it took almost five years to tell her story that simply.

She came to Mérida alone. Alone was the plan. She was a sworn divorcee who, as her therapist and friend once put it, was a “bad picker of men.” The plan was to build a new life in Mérida by herself and be content doing it. “I would have been perfectly happy doing it that way,” she says. Her intensity makes you believe her. This is what makes the rest of her story interesting, because a love story arrives inside it.

The simple version of Amy’s story writes itself. Woman leaves Texas. Woman finds México. Man finds woman. Woman finds herself. You have read it a hundred times. She states, “While this is a simplified version, the truth happened slowly over time and in unusual circumstances.”

Two years prior, she chose México and began making the small adjustments, physical and mental. Those small steps turned a dream into a real relocation.

THE PART SHE RARELY WRITES DOWN

There was a reason behind the timing, and she rarely puts this part in writing. In the summer of 2017, she received the diagnosis of the word people whisper when they talk about it. Because she did not want to bring attention to herself or be seen as sick, she went through most of it alone. She told only a few people, including her father.

A year later, her father was diagnosed as well; different type, still serious. This life-changing moment forced them to sit down and make plans, not for the future but for the here and now. They weren’t getting any younger. They had dreams and desires but hadn’t formulated a solid plan. Now, time was of the essence as the body keeps its own calendar. Her father talked about Costa Rica for years. She talked about México for years. They decided to keep each other accountable and “take the bull by the horns,” to borrow a Texas term, agreeing they would keep each other on track to help arrive at their desired destination.

Amy does not dwell on any of this. I witnessed this during our time together for this interview. What sat with me, actually profoundly, was her next words. “The point was not the illness. The point was what it revealed. Moving abroad is not about a less-expensive life or sipping margaritas on the beach. The revelation? Life is HERE, life is NOW, and it is LIMITED.”

I come back to her story about when she closed her eyes in the park in Centro. There is no stronger imagery than growing roots, having them take hold, and knowing you are in the process of becoming . . . whatever that may be.

THE COMMAND

There was something completely unexpected that happened next. Her intuition gave a firm command, “Move, move as fast as you can.” Most of us wave off a signal like that. Hers was not the kind that quiets. It was serious, and it was urgent.

Amy says, “I went back to my life in Dallas and ignored my intuition. Brushing it off, I thought it would go away. However, the voice inside my head started screaming at me, ‘Why aren’t you moving? I am telling you to move RIGHT NOW.’ Only then, with this strong push, did I start to take it seriously.” Just three months later, she moved on Christmas Day as a gift to herself.

Interestingly, Amy’s business in Texas was to help people move and transition. She created step-by-step plans for what was often a family’s last big move. Consulting with families, she included not just the physical aspects but the mental and emotional aspects as well. Plans were made carefully, budgets crafted, and then all of the different parts of the move would come together. She created a fail-safe process so that all parties knew details, instructions, and next steps. None of this involved intuition; it was logical and nothing else.

None of this translated into her own move. She made her move with her eyes shut, trusting her intuition would lead the way at every single step. She admits now, “When I look back, I told myself I don’t need to know it all. My clients and their families needed the entire step-by-step process. All I need to know is the next step.” That hits home hard, because most of us don’t operate like that.

FOUR DAYS IN

With her heart and intuition leading the way, just four days after arriving she met the man who is now her husband. With no expectations, this sworn divorcee took one step and then another and then another. There was never any thought about a relationship with this man. It was something fun to do to pass the first weeks while she was here.

Her eyes lit up as she relayed their first few weeks together. “On paper he checked all of the ‘dealbreaker’ boxes: too young with young kids, too skinny and too short, and a little annoying when he kept mentioning wanting to take me for a beer and show me the city. I saw a young man with a player attitude who never had any woman tell him no. Reminding myself of my ‘bad picker of men’ period, I certainly didn’t want to go down that rabbit hole again.”

“But one day, he surprised me. We had known each other about three weeks. I was moving to a different rental and he offered to help. Well, guess what? My intuition tapped me on the shoulder and told me to pay attention. Maybe there was some substance to this guy. So, I’ll just wait and see what happens. No expectations, just the next step,” she states with enthusiasm that’s contagious.

Fast forward three months. As the world shut down, Amy found herself opening up more and more. The roots were growing deeper. She started to realize, in a more serious way, she was becoming more integrated, entwined, and enjoying this simpler way of life. She readily admits, “When COVID hit, I don’t think I could have survived all the unknowns. Being new to a foreign country and not understanding the language would have overwhelmed me without him. I may have left and maybe not come back.”

When I asked her how long it took her to truly feel integrated, she told me it was at the five-year mark. Ángel, that’s his name, was truly her ángel in all ways. He helped her learn the culture, the language, the nuances, the history, the food, and so much more. Her face lights up when she talks about it and I know this is true. I’ve seen the blossom of her becoming for the last few years.

What’s more important is that this is NOT a story of a woman being rescued by a man. It is the story of two people enhancing each other’s lives by becoming more of who they are, opening up, growing together, and realizing that life is better when shared. The most significant takeaway came when I asked, “Would you still be in Mérida without Ángel if COVID didn’t exist?” She nods rapidly. “I have never felt at home anywhere else in my whole life. I spent all of my years in the U.S. feeling like an alien. Now, I am home, finally.”

THE CONDUIT

Now, let’s talk about what Amy actually does. Many call her a “connector,” but she’ll be the first to tell you she hates the word. “I would never, ever, in a million years describe myself as a connector. I describe myself as a conduit, a channel between the universe and the people around me.” And she explains why this word fits her better than any other.

As she began her research about moving to Mérida, she couldn’t find what she calls an “information aggregator.” While there were many foreign-resident expat groups on social media, none were run by professionals, and all of them offered personal experiences that didn’t translate to specialized assistance. Thinking maybe she could find more information after she arrived, she just grew aggravated. Where were the resources, the trusted professionals, the vetted vendors, the critical information one needs to move abroad?

Taking the bull by the horns once again, she decided to translate what she used to do in Texas for clients into a business that helps people move to Mérida. She enlisted Ángel to help her, and together they created Life in Mérida™ and what she now calls a playbook. This is the insider’s guide to daily life, culture, and more for those who want to move to México in a culturally conscientious, respectful way.

The reason she refers to it as a playbook is because mindset will make or break a move. “If you have a playbook and learn to play the game from the very beginning, it will reward you over and over again, just like the game of life,” she chuckles. I find that to be true as well; it is far easier to follow instructions than to blindly figure things out. Doing it blind tends to end in stress and frustration, which no one wants, least of all when moving to a foreign country.

THE FIRST RULE

So let’s get right to the first rule of the game, and one that most people skip. Learn the culture before you arrive, not after. “The culture is eighty percent of the experience,” she says, and means it as a warning. “Show up without ANY cultural knowledge and you are already behind the proverbial eight-ball.”

There is one small habit that starts it right, and skipping it reads as aggressive. “Start any conversation with a greeting,” she explains. “Whether it is a text, an email, going into a store, or passing someone on the street. This is the cardinal rule of Yucatán.”

I’ve learned this as well. In practicing this simple detail, it softens the conversation immediately. Mérida is like stepping back in time, when manners and etiquette were time-honored traditions. Those simple things are what we’ve all come to love about living here as foreign residents. Once you’ve been here a while and get used to it, a message that doesn’t start with a greeting feels very aggressive. The key to living here successfully lies in the daily details that matter immensely.

As Amy and I were commiserating about our integration, she told me she came up with a word to describe this practice. The best reminder to start a conversation the right way, she says, is to consider it foreplay. “Conversational foreplay,” she calls it. My husband and I both laughed and agreed wholeheartedly this was the perfect description. We’ve adopted the term ourselves now, to remind us to slow down and enjoy the chatting and whatever it may bring.

WHAT SHE CANNOT FORGIVE

Surprisingly, she didn’t really speak Spanish when she arrived. She admits it was “dirty Spanglish from the cotton fields,” picked up in the small west Texas town she grew up in. It is a far cry from Yucatecan Spanish, which has its own colloquialisms and pronunciations. But as she learns more, she’s found ways to engage in conversation as she’s out and about.

Many times she’ll mispronounce a word, or use one that’s close but not quite right, on purpose. One of her favorites is “mi cabeza es colorida,” meaning “my head is colorful,” instead of “mi cabeza es caloroso,” meaning “my head is hot.” That way she can share a laugh with the locals, ask them to correct her, and build a bridge between the cultures. “It is never about being right. It is about making people feel at ease with humor. That’s the Mexican way.”

What she cannot forgive is the refusal to try, and the foreigner who won’t practice because they are afraid to look foolish. She told me, “Ego is the single worst enemy a foreigner can make. The superiority and entitlement of visitors and foreign residents alike is distasteful. I don’t use the word expat as locals find it disrespectful. Just like expecting locals to speak English is the height of disrespect.”

There’s another frustration she shared involving ego. Scamming is definitely a THING here, but not every situation is a scam or a gringo price. People walk into a situation without vetting, without asking for referrals, handing 100% trust to someone they don’t know. Or they walk into a store, pick something up, and exclaim loudly, “this is so cheap!”

According to her playbook, this is a recipe for disaster. “People arrive here and don’t know what they don’t know, or even the questions to ask. They instantly trust the first English-speaker they run across, because to them fluent English equals instant trust, and nothing could be further from the truth. Let’s call it what it is. You didn’t get scammed. You made a bad decision because you didn’t do your due diligence. Gringo pricing was created by gringos. It’s really just that simple.”

“No matter how hard we try, people just want to DIY. Their ego gets the better of them. Before you know it, they reach out and ask us to fix their big fuck-up. Once they’ve started the process, any process, we can’t get involved. That’s why we’ve written almost 200 articles that rank on Google. And guess what? They still do the same thing, expecting a different result.”

This author knows exactly what that’s called: insanity, as I’m sure most of you do too.

THE SHIFT

And now we have to factor in AI, which is a complicated subject in and of itself. Going forward, she and Ángel have decided they won’t compete with it, and won’t compete with the twenty-eight “relocation” companies now in Mérida. “We were the first and only company for five years. We had stellar clientele who trusted us, our information, and our vetted professionals. Now all people want to do is get in the car for a neighborhood tour and complain about their situation in the U.S. We’ve become a bucket for vomit on U.S. politics instead of a valuable resource, and that’s not the direction we choose to take.”

This hits home, because I’ve known Amy for several years and I know she is an introvert with forced-extrovert tendencies. You’d never know it unless you know her intimately like I do. She gives off no introvert vibe at all. I can empathize with the shift in clientele as the times change. As an introvert, she admits she needs to protect her time and her conduit energy. She finds joy in helping others, but with a time limit, to honor her gift of being a conduit. Then it’s time to recharge back at home.

When I asked her about the biggest surprise in Yucatecan culture, she laughed. What took her by surprise, and what she loves, is Mexican humor. Mexicans laugh at everything. The funeral. The car wreck. The divorce. The fire that burned the house down. Not only do they laugh, they create a MEME for all of it. Her husband told her that a Mexican’s life can be very sad, so to keep their spirits up, they make a joke of everything.

THE RULE SHE BROKE

She also shared a season when she broke her own cardinal rule. She doesn’t talk about it much, but told me I have permission to include it here. Before she ever arrived, she made an agreement with herself to stay away from the foreign-resident (expat) community. The last thing she wanted was to duplicate her life in Dallas, a city well known for being superficial and full of drama.

A few years in, she broke the rule and swallowed the hook, line, and sinker. She’s the first to admit her ego got in the way, needing to feel useful, to be “the one” people went to for facts, vetted resources, professional referrals. Somewhere in the thick middle of it, she looked up and realized she was giving to her own detriment. People called when they needed something, and it was never reciprocated.

“That’s the energetic pull when you reach the stage of becoming. Repeating patterns rear their ugly heads until they stop you in your tracks, and you look up and realize this situation doesn’t feel good. In the becoming, you leave old patterns behind. That was the driving force in leaving Texas to begin again in Mérida. These old patterns start with wanting to belong. Belonging to a group, a club, a person, or getting pulled into an expat community. It’s a kind of possession that, to me, feels like a hook, and a slow sinking over time,” she says.

BECOMING

She ruminated further, offering this to anyone thinking of moving to Mérida: “Arrive with a clean slate. Arrive with zero expectations. Don’t compare there to here. Be ready to adapt, adjust, and be flexible 100% of the time. Be gentle with yourself. It’s going to take time to find the person you want to become in this new place, this new life you’ve chosen.”

I can see it in what she offers her clients, readers, and subscribers, “a lifeline,” she likes to call it. The lifeline no one offered her when she was making her plans. And while she may be the lifeline, the true magic is in this beautiful city, the slower life, the culture full of music and dancing and some of the best food you may ever put in your mouth.

México is often sold as a destination because it’s cheap to live here. That is the worst reason to move, and it won’t keep you here long. Many people are surprised by the feeling of being in Mérida. We all say it: you feel it or you don’t. If you don’t feel it, that’s okay. For those of us who do, it will transform you in ways you can’t imagine.

When I asked Amy how Mérida transformed her, she laughed and gave an honest answer. “It’s given me the ability not to give a shit. I can live my life any way I want. I can become the person I’ve always felt I was meant to be. I can be just me, and there’s nothing better than that.”

Part of the reason she feels so at home here, she thinks, is the resemblance between Texas and Yucatán. The same pride. The same warmth. The same quiet wealth most outsiders never notice, simple and sophisticated in the same breath. “I transplanted myself into a Mexican version of Texas,” she says.

This lands like a small revelation, because it means she didn’t stray far from what she already knew. She just needed time to find it. “Moving abroad, wherever you go, lets you start over, reinvent yourself, begin the process of becoming. I realized parts of my life had been badly broken, and I’m grateful for those experiences. I am where I am today because I chose which broken pieces to bring with me and left the rest behind. My younger self would tell me how proud she is of the person I’m becoming.”

At the end of our interview, I asked what it means to love, to leave, and to become. With old-soul wisdom, she answered. “On love, stop trying to check boxes, to tally wants and needs and dealbreakers. Let it take its own course, without expectations or labels. On leaving, picture a chalkboard covered in frantic writing, wipe it clean, and arrive with an empty slate, so you can choose what to write after you arrive. On becoming, trust your instinct and your intuition. Always lead with your heart. And, most importantly, focus only on the next step.”

Finally, I asked if there was anything else the world should know about her. She leans in like she’s about to divulge a deep secret. “Amy Jones,” she says, “is not my real name.” A pause, and the grin gives her away. “Amy is my real name. Jones is not. I adopted that name as I began the process of becoming the woman I am today. Leaving my ex-husband’s name behind was one of the broken pieces, though I still carry it legally. It suits me well in México, a Mexican name, and I’m proud of it now, because it helps me navigate the culture a little easier.”

After two hours, this woman had told me the whole story of where she came from and what happened after she arrived, saving one last little joke, transforming it in the Mexican way, into humor. She is funny, and she uses it to bridge the gap between cultures, to close the distance and make others comfortable. That is her nature.

As I closed my computer, she leaned in one more time. “People have called me fake, non-transparent, uncommunicative. I recognized it every time as someone not getting their way, wanting me to compromise who I am for the sake of their ego. I’m finished with all that nonsense. I’ll walk away every time, because frankly, I don’t give a shit any longer.”

There it is again. Standing in her power of authenticity, communication, and transparency, she giggles just a little more, and I know this interview was a success.

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